My 10 Year Mystery

Occasionally in my life, I'll come across things that wanting to remember I'll jot down on a piece of paper so later I can devote more time to. These are things like when you hear a song on the radio that you want to hear again. You'll listen to the end of the song and hope that the DJ will announce the title, or hearing a snippet of news you find interesting you take note of the key points, or a persons name so you can later get on the internet and research to your hearts content. Well, ten years ago while abroad we were staying in a hotel in London. My parents had gone out for the night leaving us brothers (and a cousin) in the hotel to watch television and fend for ourselves. Looking back I don't know why we didn't decide to go out exploring.

Anyways, that night on television there was an old black and white b-movie that I can remember catching my attention. All I can remember is that it was a black and white film about a boy who goes to live with a relative who owns a themed mausoleum where people can choose to be buried in a plot of their choice (like an Egyption theme, or garden theme, etc). Don't remember much but, know that I was entranced by whatever I saw. I've always been a fan of old b-movies. back to my story though, I was dozing off to sleep while watching the show but made note of the channel it was on so that in the morning I could wake up and look in the paper (which was sitting on the table just a few feet above me) the title of this film and watch it when I got home. I don't remember crawling into bed, nor my parents coming back but, when I awoke in the morning I totally forgot about my plan to find out the movie title for future viewing. Well, later that day when I finally came to my senses the newspaper had been thrown away leaving me with a movie I really want to see and no way to find it.

Now this happened with the Internet was still relatively in its infancy. There was no such thing as the internet movie database and DVD players were just hitting the market. My only hope would be asking at the local video rental store if anyone had any idea what I was looking for. I looked (maybe just a little) and not knowing what else to do I put my search on the back burner in my brain only to occasionally search for it by whatever means I could.

I leave the country for a few years and when I come back I find that the internet has changed quite a bit in my absence. I try looking this movie up on Yahoo, Google and, whatever else I could get my hands on hoping that the words like "Black and White," "Funeral Home," would get me the movie results. A few years later, my cousin told me that he remembered somewhere in the movie Nazi soldiers coming to the funeral home wanting to build some kind of space ship. I didn't remember anything about it but, it gave me a few more words to look for online. One day I went to the library and flipped through these books on b-movies, and b-movie encyclopedias hoping to solve my riddle but to no avail. Still lost I gave up my search figuring that the only way I would ever find this out was by seeing it on television again. I didn't even know what I was looking for and figured that I would probably never find it out.

Years later (circa 2 months ago), my older brother gave me a free month subscription to Netflix. After seeing thier vast library of films, it sparked my interest again and I searched their website for the film, using the same (ineffective) movie tags I'd used in the past but, still nothing. I searched the Internet Movie Database and still could find nothing. One day I found on the internet an online b-movie shrine with a forum to discuss b-movies. I figured looking at what these guys had been chatting about already they would have no problem solving my problem (this was about a month ago). I explained the movie and the plot synopsis to them only to get a reply a few days later that nobody on the forum had any idea what I was talking about. I gave up my search. I felt like I imagine Ralphy felt like on the Christmas Story when he is told by Santa [he won't be getting a gun for Christmas because] "You'll shoot your eye out kid". I slipped into depression, drugs and alcohol use (thats a joke) but, got a little upset knowing that if these online b-movie junkies didn't know it I would probably never find it out.

Last night, I thought I'd give my search one more try. I went to another online b-movie forum and interestingly enough, they had a topic entitled "What was that film?" With fingers shaking and palms sweaty I typed in the following message.

Hi, I saw what had to be a B-Movie years ago and never found out the title of it... Years later I am still haunted by it and want to find out what it was that I was watching. To make things worse, I can only remember bits and pieces of the movie. If anyone can piece together what little info I remember and can help me pin point this movie I will be forever in your gratitude.

First of all, it was black and white. The protagonist was a boy, who worked at a cemetery/funeral home/mausoleum (which belonged to a relative?) This funeral home I believe had themed areas, like an Egyptian room, or a garden room and people could come and choose where they would like to be "put to rest". Now I think there were soldiers (most likely Nazis?) or some military commander who wanted to use something at the mortuary to make a space rocket..? That’s all I remember because, I don't think I was awake when the movie ended. When I saw it I was in England and, remember the film being shown in English. Don't know if that was the original language the show was filmed in though.

I remember watching it thinking to myself, this is awesome! I'll definitely watch this movie when I get home yet, never knowing what indeed I saw, years later am still looking.

Any suggestions would be appreciated.

I get home from watching Harry Potter V: The Order of the Pheonix (great movie by the way... even better book) and decided to check my forum, expecting to get shot down yet again. In less than 24 hours I have not one answer but two...

The movie you are thinking of is THE LOVED ONE, a truly bizarre black comedy with a stellar cast:

Jonathan Winters
Dana Andrews
Milton Berle
James Coburn
John Gielgud
Tab Hunter
Liberace
Roddy McDowall
Robert Morley
and in a truly twisted performance...Rod Steiger as "Mr. Joyboy"

It's available on a recently released DVD. Strange strange movie. Perfect for this board.

and

THE LOVED ONE was just shown this week on TCM. Gerry is right, though he doesn't mention the lead Robert Morse (got to admit I don't remember Tab Hunter) the film you are looking to identify is THE LOVED ONE. Though your description is not entirely accurate, it without doubt describes no other flick.

What? Is this it? Have I found my Holy Grail? Can I now have that portion of my brain back that has been obsessing about this movie for years and years? Here is the description of the movie from off the movie database:

Newly arrived in Hollywood from England, Dennis Barlow finds he has to arrange his uncle's interment at the highly-organised and very profitable Whispering Glades funeral parlour. His fancy is caught by one of their cosmeticians, Aimee Thanatogenos. But he has three problems - the strict rules of owner Blessed Reverand Glenworthy, the rivalry of embalmer Mr Joyboy, and the shame of now working himself at The Happy Hunting Ground pets' memorial home.

Is this it? I have no idea but, I'm thinking yes. Now all I have to do is beg one of my brothers to rent it for me. Those online movie rental places have everything. Just think, maybe now with that recovered brain space I just might be able to learn Japanese. I'm as happy as a clam.